Half Birthday

I've been meaning to post this for a while, but I've been busy.

Liam turned 6 months old last week. 6 months!! I remember reading a devotional book for new moms that was for the first 6 weeks of motherhood, and I when I started it I couldn't fathom making it that far.

6 months. So much has changed.

We went to stay with my husband's parents for a few days last weekend. We hadn't been there since Christmas, when Liam was a mere 7 weeks old. I felt like a broken record. All I could think about (and talk about) was how much had changed since the last time we were there!! At that point we were still co-sleeping, and he wouldn't tolerate being put down. Ever. We took turns holding him while we ate dinner. Will opened all of my Christmas presents for me so I could hold Liam. I slept on the couch in the living room, and Will slept on the floor next to me. We still did middle of the night feedings. We were exhausted.

This time around, Liam went to bed around 7pm and woke up around 7 am. He napped really well, and enjoyed spending time in his ExerSaucer while we ate (except of course at dinner, when he was fast asleep.) Will and I slept in a real bed.

6 months. We made it to 6 months.

I walked past a display of Tommee Tippee bottles the other day, and I teared up (for the record, it doesn't take much to make me cry now that I'm a mom.) We used a Tommee Tippee bottle very early in the game with Liam, and seeing those bottles took me back to that time. I didn't tear up because I was sad that my baby has grown so much. I teared up because I am so relieved not to be in that newborn stage any more. It was the hardest time period of my life. I have loved Liam from the start, but I was miserable in the beginning. So miserable that walking past a display of bottles makes me want to cry tears of joy and relief.

Enough feelings. How about some pictures?

Here's a little segment I like to call "Then & Now."
Enjoy.

Here we go!

I finally gave in and decided to count points again. Weight Watchers points, that is. Will and I did Weight Watchers a few years ago, and were very successful. But things happen, and I'm back to a good starting point for losing weight (how's that for a positive outlook? :) ) I've been wanting to lose weight for a while now, even since before I got pregnant (obviously I did NOT want to lose weight while I was pregnant; Liam's health and growth was foremost in my mind.) Every time I would say something to Will about wanting to lose weight, he would suggest we count points again. We still had all the materials, we knew the system, and we knew it worked. To him it was a no-brainer.

But I always resisted. Teeth-gritted, white knuckled resistance. I didn't want to. Sometimes I would try and blame gluten ("We've never done Weight Watchers gluten-free. We don't know how. It will be too hard.). The heart of the matter, however, was simple:

I didn't want to deny myself what I wanted.

And it turns out that this is more than a food issue. The symptom may be overeating, but the root goes much deeper. It's a spiritual issue (and to some extent, and emotional issue. But that's another topic for another post :) .)

I've been reading a wonderful book on the subject called "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst. I'm only starting it, but so far I am impressed with her candor, and insight. Right before I got pregnant I started reading "The Weigh-Down Diet" by Gwen Shamblin. It also helped me to see my over eating for what it was: idolatry.

What!? I don't have a golden 3 Musketeers statue in my bedroom that I bow down to!!

But that doesn't' mean I'm not guilty of idolatry. One of Webster's definitions of idolatry is "immoderate attachment or devotion to something." One doesn't reach the weight I'm at by practicing moderation.

But in a way, I think it's a good thing that I gain weight when I overeat. There are some people whose bodies let them eat as much as they want without showing any change on the outside. If I were one of those people, it would be easy to hide and ignore my sin. But God wants me to be free of my sin, so He helps me by showing my sin on a daily basis.

So, off we go again, down the road of healthy eating. I can't promise that I'll never complain, or that I'll never mess up. But God is good, and He'll pick me up when I fall.

Slacker? **edited**

My poor, sweet, neglected blog.......

You deserve better than this!

But it turns out, there may be a reason you have been so neglected.

My friend Dotty and her husband Justin/Houston came to my house last week. They are interested in some very interesting things; conversation with these two is never lacking! One of the major topics for our chat that evening was the personality types identified in the Meyers-Briggs personality test. They are very familiar with the different types, and to save me from having to take the test (I have my degree, I don't have to take no more stinkin' tests), they 'diagnosed' me. Turns out I'm an ISFP. I think. Dotty, you can correct me if I'm wrong. But whatever the name is, the description was very accurate. Not 100%, but you can't really create a system that will identify people's personality traits completely perfectly. I mean, with 6 billion or so people on the earth, it just ain't gonna happen.

But back to the issue at hand: my neglected blog. Turns out that an ISFP will usually get really excited about some new creative project, and then kinda get bored with it and move on. So that's why I have a violin, several half-painted canvases and a toolbox of paints, a half-finished scrapbook from Austria, and one Zentangle. The weight of guilt from years of never sticking with a craft or art form has been lifted! It's just who I am! God made me this way, and there's nothing wrong with it.

Now, about those sewing lessons......

**edit: I just remembered the knitting needles that are currently wrapped up in the scarf I never finished for my neice, and the second set of knitting needles that are wrapped up in one row of a blanket for Liam**

Confession

I lied.

I didn't read the whole manual. Do you know how long that would have taken???? Seriously. I have things to do. But I did read a good bit of it, and learned some cool things that my camera can do. Like this.




This is a picture of my son on the way home from his first birthday party (as a guest, of course.)






This is what it looks like when I isolate the color of his pacifier. Isn't that neat? The camera does it.


I'm not sure how this new trick will translate into artful photography, but I'm anxious to get practicing. If only I had a very cute and very available subject to shoot........

Photog

I love photography. I always have. Even before I had a camera, I could sit for hours and look at other peoples' photographs. A teacher at school (like, elementary or middle school) was throwing out a bunch of National Geographic magazines one time, and I took them home and covered my walls in the beautiful photographs. In high school my aunt gave me an old 35mm camera that had been her ex-husband's. I LOVED that thing! Well, once someone showed me how to get the film out after I had taken pictures. I would almost always load it with black and white film, and I used that thing through college. When we got married, a different aunt and uncle gave us the amazing digital camera we have now. It was technically a gift for both Will and I, but we know who it really belongs to. I love this camera. But I have NEVER read the manual.

Wouldn't you think that someone who has a fantastic camera, and who DREAMS of being a photographer one day, would learn everything she could about her equipment? I'm so embarrassed. There are so many things I could have been doing with this camera, if only I would have read about it!

But I'm turning over a new leaf. The manual sits beside me, and it will be read before the weekend is over. Mark my words.

Maternal Guilt

My husband has been out of town for 6 days, and PRAISE THE LORD he's back. Liam and I did just fine without him, but it's doggone lonely. My husband is my best friend, and I just like being around him. Even if we're just sitting on opposite ends of the couch with our feet stretched out, and he sleeps as I blog.

Hypothetically speaking, of course.

Speaking of stretching out on the couch.....

As I was snuggling Liam for one of his naps today (yes, I still snuggle him for a nap occasionally. Well maybe more than occasionally), I was thinking about how much time the little guy and I have spent snuggled up together. He slept on me almost exclusively for 8 weeks or so, and even after that we still take one nap together almost every day. We're both such snugglers. And nappers. I was also thinking of how much of me he gets in a day. I don't hold him or play with him every second, but we spend a lot of time together. And this started to make me feel guilty. Maternal guilt. But for what?

Oh, this is funny.

For the children we don't have yet.

I started to feel guilty that I wouldn't be able to spend this kind of quality time with another child if God blesses us with another.

Seriously?

Maternal guilt is a funny thing. It knows no bounds. For some, it starts the moment you find out you're pregnant. You quickly think back over the previous weeks to see if you eaten/drank/done anything that could possibly harm the baby. And then for the rest of your pregnancy you second guess yourself at every step. Once the child is born, it only gets worse.

Am I spending enough time with him?
Am I spending too much time with him?
Am I overfeeding him?
Am I not feeding him enough?

And that's just the first day!

Moms get a lot of flack for laying guilt trips on their kids, but those are nothing compared to the ones we lay on ourselves!!

Bottles

We own six 8 oz bottles. Baby bottles, that is. And as I was washing some of them tonight, I couldn't help but remember the early days, when six bottles weren't enough to get us through 24 hours. My hands were chapped, cracked, and bleeding in those days. I washed a lot of bottles. I would sleep with vitamin A & D ointment on my hands. And today, my son transitioned himself from eating 4 times a day to eating 3 times a day. It might not seem like much of a difference, but it is. I remember how each time he dropped a bottle, that it seemed like new possibilities were opening up. I remember how it felt when I only had to wash bottles once a day. I remember how empowered I felt when I decided to feed him five 6 oz bottles instead of six 5 oz bottles. I remember the transition to four 8 oz bottles, and how I would have been happy to stay there forever. But Liam decided today that he wanted his 3 squares a day, thank you very much. So we've gone from not having enough bottles to get through 24 hours, to having enough bottles for 2 days.

Does it seem like I'm making a big deal out of nothing? I might be. But I am just continually reminded of how quickly things change with kids. The early days were so hopeless for me, in many ways. It just never seemed like things would get better. And today, I went to the mall with him, had LOTS of laughs and snuggles with him, fed him 3 times, and put him to bed at 7:00.

No matter where you are in life, things will change. The good things will change. The bad things will change. God is our only constant. Hold on to Him, and enjoy the ride.

Good Grief

The PMS pendulum has swung the other way.

I just spent 20 minutes looking at pictures of Liam as a newborn. While looking at the pictures taken of him as they were cleaning him off, I started to cry. Not because he's grown so much since then (and believe me, he has). But because I just love him SO MUCH!!!!!

The worst part? My friend Brianna had to sit through all the picture-looking and crying. I should buy her something for that.

Red Alert

I had (a radio) once, but I threw it up against the wall when I couldn't figure out where the batteries went. I know now I was suffering from pre-menstrual syndrome.
-Dolly Parton in "Steel Magnolias"

Ever have one of those moments?

I did today.

It was the most supremely gorgeous day, and I was dying to take Liam for a walk. Getting out of the house with him takes all day, so at about 4 o'clock we set out for the Arboretum. I think it's a law in Lexington that you have to go to the Arboretum on the first pretty day of the year. So being the law-abiding citizens we are, Liam and I went.

However, we didn't get to walk. And I'm getting all riled up again just typing about it!

Breathe.
Breathe.

Ok, what it boils down to is this: I didn't do enough research when I picked out his 'big boy' stroller. It has a storage basket that isn't even big enough for a college textbook (no exaggeration.) And it provides zero shade, even though it comes with a shade. You can move it down to cover the top half of his body, but then the sun glares down on the top of his head. With a bigger kid, it wouldn't matter so much. But with a caucasian baby who has been inside his whole life, it matters.

So we were there for less than five minutes, and left. I couldn't let my baby get sunburned.

So this is where the PMS kicks in.

When putting the stroller back in the trunk, I had serious (again, no joking) thoughts about throwing it on the ground. In hindsight, I would have also enjoyed running over it. As I was driving away, I almost cried. I have been cooped up in the house for months now, and I really thought today would be the day that I would get out. And I'm fat, and I will die fat (these are the ultra-constructive thoughts I was having in the moment.) My next clue that PMS was rearing its ugly head: I gave serious, serious thought to rear-ending a car that was taking too long to turn.

None of this has been exaggerated. This is exactly how it all went down.

The cure?

Driving around Lexington aimlessly for 45 minutes, praying, drinking Diet Coke, and listening to Shane & Shane, while my sweet little boy slept in the backseat.

Just had to get that out.
I feel better.

Now it's time to eat the Chipotle my husband brought home.

Baby

I'm learning a lot about God now that I'm a parent. Shocking, right? I really think that's why he let me be a Mom, so I would learn more about him. I can read things in a book, and have some understanding, but I learn much better through listening (like a sermon) and through experience.

What brought this train of thought on was my son's reaction to a diaper change yesterday. He hates having his diaper changed 99% of the time. Especially when it's time to eat, and he can see his bottle sitting on the table. But I have this thing about letting my little boy sit in his own waste. I just don't like it. So, before I feed him, I lay him down to check and/or change his diaper. I do this about 99% of the times that I feed him, so he really shouldn't be shocked. But every time I do it, he falls apart. His life is over. He is so hungry that he is going to die.

He doesn't realize that what Mommy is doing is actually a good thing, that it will help him in the long run. He doesn't know about diaper rash and UTI's and all kinds of other unpleasantries like those. All he can see is the bottle he's not eating. And he doesn't even realize that he'll be eating it in 2 minutes or less (I'm a pretty quick diaper-changer these days.)

How many times do we fall apart when we think God isn't giving us what we need? How many times have you cried your eyes out because things didn't turn out like you thought? I sure have. I'm such a baby.

But I'm God's baby. And He loves me more than I will ever know.

Things I Like

I really like living in a duplex where the people I share a wall with are dear, dear friends. It's comforting when I hear the occasional cabinet door close, and it's so nice when we meet at the mailboxes. It's even better when we sit on the couch for hours talking. They're my friends, my neighbors, my emergency grocery store. I hate being crammed into this small place some days, but I'm truly going to miss living next to them. Maybe I can convince them to buy the house next door.

Things I Don't Like

I don't like having to watch my son receive shots. The agony in his eyes and face, the tears streaming, looking at me like "Mommy, why are you letting this happen???"

I also don't like my son having to have his circumcision......um........tweaked.

Things I Like

Ending the day with my husband, curled up on the couch, watching a movie and drinking hot chocolate.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

We're at such an interesting stage with Liam right now. It seems like, all of a sudden, all of his 'gear' is changing. He's too big for his car seat, so we're going to get a 'big boy' car seat this weekend. Since his stroller is a stroller frame that his car seat attaches to, we are also going to put together his 'big boy; umbrella stroller. In an effort to keep him more upright, we've put together the ExerSaucer and are in the process of putting together his high chair. I had wanted to start putting him in his highchair anyway to get him used to it, since we will most likely be starting solids next week(!). But then today, as I was washing bottles, he starts straining to sit up in his bouncy seat. So no more bouncy seat! We put him in the ExerSaucer last night, but it didn't go great. I tried again this morning, sitting as close to it as I could, and he did better. Until he caught sight of his beloved gym. He looked at it so longingly that I had to let him lay in it (he'll have a permanent flat spot on his head, I know it.) While he laid in his gym I took the bassinet level out of his Pack n Play, bagged it up, and all the newborn accessories we had been storing under it. See what I mean? It's all happening at once. But I'm not sad! I'm excited that my little boy is growing. I can't WAIT to get to know him!!!!!!

Faith

We have started going to Saturday night church. It's much more laid back, not as crowded, and it gives us Sunday mornings to sleep in a little. We're big fans. As we were sitting in church this past Saturday night, and I held my sleeping son, I was thinking about how when we got up that morning, we weren't sure if we were going to be able to make it to church that night. Having a baby makes it impossible to make plans with any certainty. You just have to keep moving forward, and keep trying, and hope you make it to your destination.

While reflecting on this, a few verses popped into my head:

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:34

Give us today our daily bread.
Matthew 6:11

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”
James 4:13-15

If you've read any of my previous posts, you know that my husband and I are planners. We like to have things figured out 50 paces ahead. But the truth of the matter is this: Today is the only day we can do anything about. Sure, it's good to look ahead and have goals. But I think God is really trying to teach us to walk one step at a time. Where is faith if you can see the future? God gives us what we need today, and that's all we need to worry about. He's never left us high and dry.

I am thankful to have a Father who loves me enough to grow my faith in Him.

Blessed

I am so insanely blessed. Did you know that?

There really are too many blessings to list here, but I'll throw out a couple. Today Liam and I walked around the neighborhood for an hour. Well, I walked, he slept in his stroller. It was SO GOOD to be outside, in the sunshine and fresh air. Having a baby at the beginning of November is not ideal if you live in a climate like ours. We have been cooped up in the house for way too long. So today, we took advantage of the sunshine. We also took advantage of the fact that Mommy only works on Saturdays now. Another blessing. And when my husband (HUGE blessing) comes home, I get to go out to dinner with a dear friend. Double blessing! Oh, and did I mention I had a photo shoot with my cutest blessing this afternoon?

I don't deserve this life. But I'm lovin' it!!

Oops

In an effort to cut our budget, we cancelled our cable this weekend.
And we accidentally cancelled our internet as well.

Oops.

So much for blogging every day for a year!!!

Oh well, now the pressure is off, and I can concentrate on the real reasons I wanted to start blogging, not just to be able to brag that I had done it for 365 days in a row.

Oh Dear

So my Mom is town this weekend, and she stopped by our place to see Liam before he went to bed. She hasn't seen him since January, when she stayed overnight with him the very first time Mommy and Daddy went away for the night.

She walked into the kitchen this evening, where we had just taken Liam out of the bath, and he was laying on the counter. She didn't get within 3 feet of him before he started SHRIEKING, and rolling away from her. I'm serious, he was SHRIEKING. I have never seen anything like it.

Now, let me say this: I am confident beyond a shadow of a doubt that my mother has not, nor would she ever, harm my child. Or any child, for that matter.

I think what happened tonight was an amplified version of what happened with my mother in law on Wednesday. I think Liam remembers being left. With Donna, we've never left him for very long (a couple of hours, tops), so the reaction wasn't as severe. With my Mom, we were gone over 24 hours, and he remembers. Oh boy, does he ever.

My poor mother. And my poor son! Who would have thought he would start this at 3 1/2 months???

Test Day

I'll never do that again.

Everyone always says, "Oh the night before is the worst. The day of you won't even know you've had anything done."

That was not my experience.

I woke up more than once during the procedure, screaming and crying from the pain. I wasn't even groggy when I got to recovery. And I just wanted to get the heck out of there,

Some good things about today, though:
Liam was in much better spirits, and had a good day with Gran.
My friend Bri drove me to and fro, and we just don't get to spend enough time together.
I got to take a 2 hour nap with my stinkerpot when I got home.
My wonderful and loving husband threw the budget to the wind and bought Chipotle for dinner, since it's my favorite and I couldn't eat yesterday,
And as I type this, the aforementioned stinkerpot is asleep in my arms, again.

So, to recap the day: rough start, really rough middle, nice ending.

Strange Day

Today has been strange in two different ways. One, I'm having a test done tomorrow that requires me to only have liquids the day before, and I have to drink this really nasty stuff. I'm drinking the nastiness as I type. Blech.

Two, my son has been SUPER clingy today. My mother-in-law has come up to watch him during my test tomorrow, and when she arrived today, he burst into tears!!! He LOVES his Gran!!! It was SO weird.

Good luck with that tomorrow, Gran :(

I'm going to try like the dickens to post something tomorrow, but I may be a bit of a zombie after the test. But I really don't want to break my streak!!! Maybe I'll post something when I have to get up at 5:15 and drink more nastiness. Blech.

2/22

It was a year ago today that our lives changed forever.
It was a year ago today that the 2 of us found out we were going to be the 3 of us.
And we were utterly shocked.

I had been told for years and years that I would have so much trouble getting pregnant, and even if I did get pregnant, I would have a hard time carrying to term. I would almost certainly miscarry.

I wonder if God laughed every time I was told that.

You see, after a mere month or so of not preventing pregnancy, I got pregnant. And I carried to term. And 9 days more. And had to be induced. And they had to go in and get him. 24 hours later.

God knew all along that Liam would be a part of our family. He always knew.

My heart is so full today. Thank you, God, for this immeasurable blessing. We don't deserve him, but we are so thankful for him.

Looking Ahead

Daddy Daycare is officially over, and the Tyranny of Mom has resumed (that's what Will calls it, in jest, mostly because I make Liam do stuff like tummy time.) I truly enjoyed my day with my son, especially the three hour nap we took together. I am so aware that I'm not guaranteed another second with this precious being, so I'm just trying to soak in what I can. But I'm also really looking forward to the future. Not in a 'wishing his life away' way, but just really looking forward to getting to know him, have conversations with him, do things with him. I'm going to be honest: at least once a week I think about how I can't wait to go to Disney World with him! Sometimes I'll look at him when he's passed out on either Will or I and think, "That's what he'll look like when we're carrying him out of the Magic Kingdom at 10 o'clock at night."

My heart is full. I can't wait to experience this little guy's life. And I also can't wait until 7:30 tomorrow morning when I get to start another day with him.

Omelette

I had an omelette for dinner, at approximately 10 pm. Such is life with a baby!!

Omelettes make me think of Austria. A natural association, no?

Well, probably not for most people.

In October of 2009 I had the amazing opportunity to take an 18 day mission trip to Austria. I could blog about it for years. One of the coolest things about the trip, though, was how much success I had at eating gluten free. I took some food with me, and bought some once I arrived. They have so much "glutenfrei" food available! I also did a lot of research online before I went, and I was able to find these little cards I could print out that explained my dietary needs "auf Deutsch" (in German). When eating out, I would hand these little cards to the server, and they would help me make my selections. It worked like a charm! I was able to try some interesting things, (google "kastanien reis"), but some meals were more simple. Like the omelette.

My group had found a little hole-in-the-wall eatery in Vienna one day, and we wanted to give it a shot for lunch. The server was one of the sweetest people I have met. She spoke broken English, and with the help of the little card, she tried so hard to think of things I could eat. She asked lots of questions about my needs ("So you can't even have things that have been cooked in the same pan with bread?"), and decided that an omelette would be a good solution. She was SO RIGHT!! It's so simple, I don't know why I never thought of it before. I order them now all the time now.

At the end of the meal we all made a special point to tell her how much we appreciated her effort to help me. I'll never forget the look on her face as she tried to explain in broken English how she just wanted "to help people."

I will never forget her kindness. I think of her every time I eat an omelette.

Tired Day

This isn't really a "sick" day, like I had before. I'm not sick; I'm just exhausted. It's been go-go-go all day; lots of family visiting, a budget meeting with my man, sorting baby clothes. So, I'm just going to show you another picture. This one is from The Biltmore. We went with Will's parents and brother this summer. I highly recommend it, just maybe not when you're pregnant. The altitude in Asheville was really hard on me, and the 100 year old mansion actually doesn't have air conditioning. Who would have thought? But Asheville is by far the most gluten-free friendly place I've ever been. I can't wait to go back!!!

Big Day

As I type this, I am listening to Liam struggle to fall (and stay) asleep unswaddled. Let's keep our fingers crossed.

Today was a big day for Liam; he went on his very first walk! It felt SO good to be outside walking again. The past three months have seemed so cold, and so cabin-fevery (not a word, I know.) Today the weather was so amazing, we had to make use of it.

Will and I have a little route we like to walk in a neighborhood we love (that we will NEVER be able to afford to live in). We walked it all the time before I got pregnant, and while I was pregnant. Sometimes we would say, "And pretty soon, we'll be pushing a stoller." And that's just what we did! Liam had never been outside that long, and definitely not without a blanket or something over his car seat, so he was just entranced taking in all the sights. He actually almost skipped a nap he was so into it.

A big, big day. Liam's first walk. Liam's first attempt at unswaddled crib-sleeping. Mommy's last weekday at the bank.

Good stuff happening 'round these parts.

Our New Jobs

So after 2 weeks of unemployment, my husband goes and gets a job at a pizza place. Before he can even start, he is offered the job he had been hoping for (the more permanent, career-type job.) We celebrate, and I immediately tell my employer that I'll only be working Saturdays from now on. And then we learn that insurance is going to cost us 2 1/2 times what it did before. So then I freak out and start to apply for a nights and weekends job at Starbucks. This all happens in a span of 3 days.

Do we sound like people who need to just chill out for a second? Yes.

Do we sound like people who like to have everything planned out in advance for 50 million years? Yes.

Do we sound like people that God is still working on? Oh yes.


So, even though it doesn't make sense, tomorrow is my last weekday at the bank. Starting Monday, I will be a full-time Mommy. On paper, we're going to be seriously in the hole every month. But we have some saved up (we had hoped to use for a downpayment on a house), so we'll survive. I'm just hoping a generous family member wins the lottery in the next month or so :)

Who are you?

What is up with my baby tonight??

Where did that sweet, funny little guy go?

There were glimpses of him tonight. But they were overshadowed by the screaming banshee that looked like my baby. I'm guessing teething, but since I'm a first-timer, I can't be for sure. He's had white bumps on his lower gums since he was six weeks old, but now he has HUGE white bumps on his upper gums. He drools like crazy, puts everything in his mouth, and screamed the "I'm in pain" cry for way too long tonight. We gave him some tylenol (not sure if we were supposed to, but he was miserable!), and that helped.

Any ideas when I'll get my baby back?

Close Call

Yikes!! I almost forgot to post!! I would have been so mad; I've posted 14 days in a row now. That's quite a streak for me!!

Perhaps the reason I forgot to post is.......my husband got a job!!!!!!!!!

We are so, so blessed......

And it looks like I might get to stay home with Liam during the week, and just work Saturdays!!!!

The blessings are just being poured out on this little family of three.

I want to be sure that we learn everything God wanted us to learn from our mere 3 week journey through unemployment. Some things I've realized thus far:

-we have too much wiggle room in our budget
-we don't 'need' as much as we thought we do
-people who don't have jobs have a really, really tough road
-God is our provider, and He loves us more than we love Liam (WHOA!)

I'll continue to process these past few weeks, as the weather warms and I get to try out that new jogging stroller......

Love

What is love?

There are many answers to this question. Scholars, philosophers, poets, and songwriters have discussed and debated the topic for years. God tell us many things about it in His word.

Today, my husband showed me a new picture of love.

He got a job delivering pizzas, to take care of his family.
He has 2 degrees, and he is willing to drive around town until midnight delivering pizzas, for us.

That's love.

Memory Lane

Aren't we cute? This is one of the first pictures taken of us as a couple, circa Spring 2006. Yikes! 5 years....

With the exception of the very first Valentine's Day we spent together, Will and I like to celebrate not on Valentines Day. My Aunt Joyce is coming over in a little bit for some snuggle time with Liam, and Mommy and Daddy are cashing in their Bonefish gift cards! Woo-hoo!

So of course today I've been reminiscing a little about our first Valentines Day. It actually started on February 13th. He had a dozen roses sent to my work, and the card read "Anyone can get flowers tomorrow. But you're not just anyone." I couldn't speak for at least 30 minutes. First of all, NO BOY had EVER sent me flowers before. And to my WORK! I worked at AAA at the time, and I had a member at my desk, and she just smiled at my flustered-ness. I really couldn't talk. Or even really look at them. For the actual day, he made use of his friend Brett's house (Brett's woman lived out of town, and he was with her :) ) and cooked me dinner. When he picked me up, there was a rose in the door of his car when I got it. And then two little bears holding another rose when I got to Brett's. He found some fancy pants Rachel Ray recipe online, bought all the ingredients (with a few phone calls to his mom from the grocery store for help), and then made me dinner. It was really good! We listened to music while he cooked, and I chose a Rascal Flatts cd. When "Broken Road" came on, we danced in the kitchen. We were so shy......

All in all, a magical night. Oh yeah, did I mention that he kissed me?
My last First Kiss was five years ago tomorrow. It has been the best 5 years of my life.

Heartsick

I miss him. I miss him so much. It hurts sometimes, I miss him so much. You wouldn't think that working 5 hours a day would be that much, but when you've got this at home, it's heartbreaking. I know I have to work right now, but I pray that God will make a way for me to stay home with him, and that he'll still love me, and he won't forget me.

Adventures in Unemployment

The realities of unemployment continue.

We have health insurance through COBRA now, but it's the same exact insurance as before, we just pay out of pocket for it. The paperwork has been sent in, as well as the check. I go to the pharmacy today to pick up Liam's Prevacid, and guess what? We don't have insurance. The pills that normally cost us $10 are going to cost $133.

Now, I know it's a paperwork thing, but it continues to illustrate how complicated things can get. I start thinking of all of his doctor's appointments, vaccinations, and of course his prescription, all of which require health insurance. What are we going to do if God doesn't provide a job for Will before the insurance runs out??

Trying not to freak out. But sometimes being a grown-up sucks.

Valley Girl

Why do we have to go through the valley? I mean, can't we go over it? Around it? Walk right up to the edge and say, "Whew! Yeah, that's pretty bad. Thanks for sparing me from that, God! You're so good to me!!"

We're roughly 10 days in to Will's unemployment. And we're starting to get nervous. When we found out that he was going to lose his job, it was actually exciting. We saw it as an opportunity for him to try something new, and to finally find what it is that he is passionate about. We felt that God had given him a great opportunity.

Something has changed.

I can't point to the exact moment that it happened, but somewhere in the past 10 days, reality has hit. We have bills. And a son. A son who eats ridiculously expensive formula. And goes to the doctor. Which requires insurance. And it all costs money. And this economy isn't the greatest. And the people he's had 2 interviews with still haven't called back.

So why hasn't God just laid Will's next job in his lap already? I mean, why put us through this?

Because He loves us, and wants to teach us. And stretch us.

Rats.

Sick Day

I don't feel well. I went to the doctor this afternoon and will be taking antibiotics for the next week. I don't feel much like writing, so I thought I would share a picture with you. It's from Trunk Bay, St. John, USVI. I don't know about you, but i'd really like to be there right now.

Perspective

I had some down time at work today, and I also had my Mac with me, so I spent a great deal of time looking at pictures. Isn't it funny how girls ALWAYS think they're fat? I look at pictures from my wedding and remember the crying fit I had in the dressing room at Dillards trying on swimsuits for my honeymoon. I wanted so much to be beautiful for my husband, and I felt like an utter failure.

Fast forward 2.5 years: I'm just three months out from giving birth, I weigh more than I have weighed since my sophomore year in college, and I have never felt more beautiful. The difference? Self-confidence and a change in perspective. Having Liam changed the way I see everything, and for the better. Yes, I am very ready to lose the baby weight, but my value as a person doesn't depend on it. I want to be healthy and honor God with my body, but I'm not going to say negative things about myself, to myself, because I'm not where I want to be.

Motherhood has had such a positive impact on me in the first three months; I can't wait to see what's next!

My Job

I've never really had a job that I loved. The closest I came was when I worked at Disney World, and that was mostly because I could play in the parks for free, not because I loved giving people menus and showing them to their tables. The job I have now is great; great company to work for, good co workers, excellent pay, easy job. And I don't want to be there at all. Every job I've had has eventually become very boring for me, and now I know why: I'm supposed to be a Mommy. That's what I'm wired up to do. I would have never, EVER guessed it. But it's true. So, while I sit at work making way too much money and being bored, the most important and fulfilling job I've ever had is being done by my husband.

Kids these days.....

This past week was interesting. I went back to work after 12 weeks off for maternity leave. My husband is "underemployed" (his word) after 4 1/2 years with the same company. And for 4 nights in a row, we stayed up watching movies until after 1am. On Friday morning I said (grumpily), "We have to stop acting like we're in college." And then we did it again. And again. But we're turning over a new leaf tonight. I swear. Probably.

Perspective

We don't fit in our residence anymore. The result: stuff everywhere. It drives me nuts. I'm not a clean freak, but I like everything to be put away before I go to bed every night (something I fear I've inherited from my mother.) When you shove three people into a little 2 bedroom townhouse, you can't put everything away every night. There is no 'away.' I have varying degrees of frustration with this.

On a related note, it seems that after being married to him for over 2 years, I have only recently discovered that my husband hates his socks. I mean, he wears them and all, but at some point in the evening, no matter where he is, he will decide he just can't take it anymore, remove his socks, and throw them in the floor. Somehow I missed this for over two years, but I am now happening upon his socks in all kinds of places. A little annoying some days, but really we just laugh at how oblivious I was to this habit.

So this morning I was lamenting on our incredibly over-stuffed and messy house. Then I went upstairs and saw my husbands socks. And I thought, "There may come a day when I wish those socks were being discarded all over the house still." And then I thought that one day I (or my husband and I) may live somewhere else, someplace where we have room to put everything away. And our house stays nice and neat. And it's boring and quiet.

And I decided, it's not so bad being messy.

3 months later

I am totally obsessed with this picture today. Even while I was feeding Liam this afternoon, holding the real deal in my arms, I couldn't stop looking at this picture. He was SO tiny! Sometimes it's hard for me to see this tiny baby in the little 3 month old I hold in my arms.

The postpartum period was really hard for me. Even as I was going through it, I had such conflicted feelings. I wanted it to be over so badly; I wanted him to be a little older and for our life to have some sense of normalcy again. But even as I had those thoughts, I had enormous waves of guilt at wishing his little life away. I knew there would come a day where I would want him to be teeny tiny again, and I could never get it back. The hormones of a woman who has just given birth are murder on her thoughts and emotions.

Nerd Alert

I am a nerd. It took me many years to come to terms with this. My husband was instrumental in identifying it, and helping me celebrate it. I now say it with pride: I AM A NERD!!!!

Some nerdy things about me:

I watch reruns of The X Files and Star Trek: The Next Generation

I LOVE LOVE LOVE doing our household budget and paying our bills

To a lesser extent, I enjoy doing our taxes (I get a little intimidated sometimes, but I do feel a rush when I finish them.)

Our bank account HAS TO be balanced to the penny; I have deposited loose coins before to make sure it is

I love learning how things are made; I will watch any show that explains how something is made, be it money or bacon

The first time my husband (then boyfriend) and I went on a road trip together, I marked the times down on the map when we passed the exits


These are just a few examples of how I know I'm a nerd. I'm sure in the next year I'll think of more :)

One-Handed

As I type this, I hold my sleeping son in one arm. In the past three months, since Liam was born, I have learned to do many things while holding a baby. For about the first 8 weeks he wanted to be held at ALL times. It was such a relief every day when my husband would walk through the door, and I knew I could go pee without having to hear Liam's screams. But for about the past 4 weeks or so, we have made major progress: he sleeps at night in his crib (instead of on me), he takes most naps in his crib (unless we just want to hold him), and he has serious board meetings in his bouncy seat with the turtle, the frog, and the snail. The frog gets a little mouthy sometimes, but otherwise he has a good time. These little bits of independence are only the beginning, I know, which is why I choose to hold him now as he sleeps.......

Happy New Year?

I had the idea the other day that it would be cool to blog every day for the whole year. Yeah, way to come up with that one a whole month late. I have a friend who has decided to do a different art project every week for a year, and that sort of inspired me. I've also been trying to convince my husband to blog, and I think I convinced myself a little in the process! So, I'm just going to pretend that the year starts on February 1st.

Happy New Year!!!

I can't promise that I'll write a lot every day, and I honestly can't promise that I'll even write every day, but the goal is this: get something up on this blog every day. I think it will be good for me. It's good to get your thoughts out; it helps organize them. It will also help me become a better writer if I write more. And last but not least, it might be fun to have a record of this year; I feel like God is going to do big things in this family.

So, let's see what happens, shall we?