Bottles

We own six 8 oz bottles. Baby bottles, that is. And as I was washing some of them tonight, I couldn't help but remember the early days, when six bottles weren't enough to get us through 24 hours. My hands were chapped, cracked, and bleeding in those days. I washed a lot of bottles. I would sleep with vitamin A & D ointment on my hands. And today, my son transitioned himself from eating 4 times a day to eating 3 times a day. It might not seem like much of a difference, but it is. I remember how each time he dropped a bottle, that it seemed like new possibilities were opening up. I remember how it felt when I only had to wash bottles once a day. I remember how empowered I felt when I decided to feed him five 6 oz bottles instead of six 5 oz bottles. I remember the transition to four 8 oz bottles, and how I would have been happy to stay there forever. But Liam decided today that he wanted his 3 squares a day, thank you very much. So we've gone from not having enough bottles to get through 24 hours, to having enough bottles for 2 days.

Does it seem like I'm making a big deal out of nothing? I might be. But I am just continually reminded of how quickly things change with kids. The early days were so hopeless for me, in many ways. It just never seemed like things would get better. And today, I went to the mall with him, had LOTS of laughs and snuggles with him, fed him 3 times, and put him to bed at 7:00.

No matter where you are in life, things will change. The good things will change. The bad things will change. God is our only constant. Hold on to Him, and enjoy the ride.

Good Grief

The PMS pendulum has swung the other way.

I just spent 20 minutes looking at pictures of Liam as a newborn. While looking at the pictures taken of him as they were cleaning him off, I started to cry. Not because he's grown so much since then (and believe me, he has). But because I just love him SO MUCH!!!!!

The worst part? My friend Brianna had to sit through all the picture-looking and crying. I should buy her something for that.

Red Alert

I had (a radio) once, but I threw it up against the wall when I couldn't figure out where the batteries went. I know now I was suffering from pre-menstrual syndrome.
-Dolly Parton in "Steel Magnolias"

Ever have one of those moments?

I did today.

It was the most supremely gorgeous day, and I was dying to take Liam for a walk. Getting out of the house with him takes all day, so at about 4 o'clock we set out for the Arboretum. I think it's a law in Lexington that you have to go to the Arboretum on the first pretty day of the year. So being the law-abiding citizens we are, Liam and I went.

However, we didn't get to walk. And I'm getting all riled up again just typing about it!

Breathe.
Breathe.

Ok, what it boils down to is this: I didn't do enough research when I picked out his 'big boy' stroller. It has a storage basket that isn't even big enough for a college textbook (no exaggeration.) And it provides zero shade, even though it comes with a shade. You can move it down to cover the top half of his body, but then the sun glares down on the top of his head. With a bigger kid, it wouldn't matter so much. But with a caucasian baby who has been inside his whole life, it matters.

So we were there for less than five minutes, and left. I couldn't let my baby get sunburned.

So this is where the PMS kicks in.

When putting the stroller back in the trunk, I had serious (again, no joking) thoughts about throwing it on the ground. In hindsight, I would have also enjoyed running over it. As I was driving away, I almost cried. I have been cooped up in the house for months now, and I really thought today would be the day that I would get out. And I'm fat, and I will die fat (these are the ultra-constructive thoughts I was having in the moment.) My next clue that PMS was rearing its ugly head: I gave serious, serious thought to rear-ending a car that was taking too long to turn.

None of this has been exaggerated. This is exactly how it all went down.

The cure?

Driving around Lexington aimlessly for 45 minutes, praying, drinking Diet Coke, and listening to Shane & Shane, while my sweet little boy slept in the backseat.

Just had to get that out.
I feel better.

Now it's time to eat the Chipotle my husband brought home.

Baby

I'm learning a lot about God now that I'm a parent. Shocking, right? I really think that's why he let me be a Mom, so I would learn more about him. I can read things in a book, and have some understanding, but I learn much better through listening (like a sermon) and through experience.

What brought this train of thought on was my son's reaction to a diaper change yesterday. He hates having his diaper changed 99% of the time. Especially when it's time to eat, and he can see his bottle sitting on the table. But I have this thing about letting my little boy sit in his own waste. I just don't like it. So, before I feed him, I lay him down to check and/or change his diaper. I do this about 99% of the times that I feed him, so he really shouldn't be shocked. But every time I do it, he falls apart. His life is over. He is so hungry that he is going to die.

He doesn't realize that what Mommy is doing is actually a good thing, that it will help him in the long run. He doesn't know about diaper rash and UTI's and all kinds of other unpleasantries like those. All he can see is the bottle he's not eating. And he doesn't even realize that he'll be eating it in 2 minutes or less (I'm a pretty quick diaper-changer these days.)

How many times do we fall apart when we think God isn't giving us what we need? How many times have you cried your eyes out because things didn't turn out like you thought? I sure have. I'm such a baby.

But I'm God's baby. And He loves me more than I will ever know.

Things I Like

I really like living in a duplex where the people I share a wall with are dear, dear friends. It's comforting when I hear the occasional cabinet door close, and it's so nice when we meet at the mailboxes. It's even better when we sit on the couch for hours talking. They're my friends, my neighbors, my emergency grocery store. I hate being crammed into this small place some days, but I'm truly going to miss living next to them. Maybe I can convince them to buy the house next door.

Things I Don't Like

I don't like having to watch my son receive shots. The agony in his eyes and face, the tears streaming, looking at me like "Mommy, why are you letting this happen???"

I also don't like my son having to have his circumcision......um........tweaked.

Things I Like

Ending the day with my husband, curled up on the couch, watching a movie and drinking hot chocolate.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

We're at such an interesting stage with Liam right now. It seems like, all of a sudden, all of his 'gear' is changing. He's too big for his car seat, so we're going to get a 'big boy' car seat this weekend. Since his stroller is a stroller frame that his car seat attaches to, we are also going to put together his 'big boy; umbrella stroller. In an effort to keep him more upright, we've put together the ExerSaucer and are in the process of putting together his high chair. I had wanted to start putting him in his highchair anyway to get him used to it, since we will most likely be starting solids next week(!). But then today, as I was washing bottles, he starts straining to sit up in his bouncy seat. So no more bouncy seat! We put him in the ExerSaucer last night, but it didn't go great. I tried again this morning, sitting as close to it as I could, and he did better. Until he caught sight of his beloved gym. He looked at it so longingly that I had to let him lay in it (he'll have a permanent flat spot on his head, I know it.) While he laid in his gym I took the bassinet level out of his Pack n Play, bagged it up, and all the newborn accessories we had been storing under it. See what I mean? It's all happening at once. But I'm not sad! I'm excited that my little boy is growing. I can't WAIT to get to know him!!!!!!

Faith

We have started going to Saturday night church. It's much more laid back, not as crowded, and it gives us Sunday mornings to sleep in a little. We're big fans. As we were sitting in church this past Saturday night, and I held my sleeping son, I was thinking about how when we got up that morning, we weren't sure if we were going to be able to make it to church that night. Having a baby makes it impossible to make plans with any certainty. You just have to keep moving forward, and keep trying, and hope you make it to your destination.

While reflecting on this, a few verses popped into my head:

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:34

Give us today our daily bread.
Matthew 6:11

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”
James 4:13-15

If you've read any of my previous posts, you know that my husband and I are planners. We like to have things figured out 50 paces ahead. But the truth of the matter is this: Today is the only day we can do anything about. Sure, it's good to look ahead and have goals. But I think God is really trying to teach us to walk one step at a time. Where is faith if you can see the future? God gives us what we need today, and that's all we need to worry about. He's never left us high and dry.

I am thankful to have a Father who loves me enough to grow my faith in Him.

Blessed

I am so insanely blessed. Did you know that?

There really are too many blessings to list here, but I'll throw out a couple. Today Liam and I walked around the neighborhood for an hour. Well, I walked, he slept in his stroller. It was SO GOOD to be outside, in the sunshine and fresh air. Having a baby at the beginning of November is not ideal if you live in a climate like ours. We have been cooped up in the house for way too long. So today, we took advantage of the sunshine. We also took advantage of the fact that Mommy only works on Saturdays now. Another blessing. And when my husband (HUGE blessing) comes home, I get to go out to dinner with a dear friend. Double blessing! Oh, and did I mention I had a photo shoot with my cutest blessing this afternoon?

I don't deserve this life. But I'm lovin' it!!