Here we go!

I finally gave in and decided to count points again. Weight Watchers points, that is. Will and I did Weight Watchers a few years ago, and were very successful. But things happen, and I'm back to a good starting point for losing weight (how's that for a positive outlook? :) ) I've been wanting to lose weight for a while now, even since before I got pregnant (obviously I did NOT want to lose weight while I was pregnant; Liam's health and growth was foremost in my mind.) Every time I would say something to Will about wanting to lose weight, he would suggest we count points again. We still had all the materials, we knew the system, and we knew it worked. To him it was a no-brainer.

But I always resisted. Teeth-gritted, white knuckled resistance. I didn't want to. Sometimes I would try and blame gluten ("We've never done Weight Watchers gluten-free. We don't know how. It will be too hard.). The heart of the matter, however, was simple:

I didn't want to deny myself what I wanted.

And it turns out that this is more than a food issue. The symptom may be overeating, but the root goes much deeper. It's a spiritual issue (and to some extent, and emotional issue. But that's another topic for another post :) .)

I've been reading a wonderful book on the subject called "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst. I'm only starting it, but so far I am impressed with her candor, and insight. Right before I got pregnant I started reading "The Weigh-Down Diet" by Gwen Shamblin. It also helped me to see my over eating for what it was: idolatry.

What!? I don't have a golden 3 Musketeers statue in my bedroom that I bow down to!!

But that doesn't' mean I'm not guilty of idolatry. One of Webster's definitions of idolatry is "immoderate attachment or devotion to something." One doesn't reach the weight I'm at by practicing moderation.

But in a way, I think it's a good thing that I gain weight when I overeat. There are some people whose bodies let them eat as much as they want without showing any change on the outside. If I were one of those people, it would be easy to hide and ignore my sin. But God wants me to be free of my sin, so He helps me by showing my sin on a daily basis.

So, off we go again, down the road of healthy eating. I can't promise that I'll never complain, or that I'll never mess up. But God is good, and He'll pick me up when I fall.

Perspective

I had some down time at work today, and I also had my Mac with me, so I spent a great deal of time looking at pictures. Isn't it funny how girls ALWAYS think they're fat? I look at pictures from my wedding and remember the crying fit I had in the dressing room at Dillards trying on swimsuits for my honeymoon. I wanted so much to be beautiful for my husband, and I felt like an utter failure.

Fast forward 2.5 years: I'm just three months out from giving birth, I weigh more than I have weighed since my sophomore year in college, and I have never felt more beautiful. The difference? Self-confidence and a change in perspective. Having Liam changed the way I see everything, and for the better. Yes, I am very ready to lose the baby weight, but my value as a person doesn't depend on it. I want to be healthy and honor God with my body, but I'm not going to say negative things about myself, to myself, because I'm not where I want to be.

Motherhood has had such a positive impact on me in the first three months; I can't wait to see what's next!